Before us today is a matter which seems to have each one of us in its cross-hairs. I doubt that anyone can consider the matter of man-pleasing, or the fear of man and feel that he or she is exempt from this sin. Indeed, the fear of man comes in so many forms, so many shapes, that it would be hard to list them all. Yes, we think immediately of the teen giving in to peer pressure, afraid of rejection, and so saying and doing things he or she wouldn’t otherwise, but for the fear of man. Or we think of the person living with a near obsession with outward appearance, continually making sure that clothing, jewelry, hair, make-up, shoes, and fashion is up-to-date, or impressive, or at least fits in with the others.

But if that manifestation of the fear of man doesn’t fit you, don’t worry, there are plenty of other kinds. There is the kind that is continually second-guessing our words and actions when we were with others, replaying them over and over, fretting over what people thought of us for saying this or that. There is the kind that lives with comparisons, comparing your parenting to another’s parenting, comparing houses, gardens, clothes, cars, holidays, children, children’s clothes, children’s schools, children’s manners, spouses. The fear of man comes in the form of being over-committed, the person who can never say no, who always picks up the slack, and takes on the tasks others dump on her. She lives in a see-saw world between guilt and resentment, feeling she must say yes, and yet angry that she does.

Facebook and social media have introduced a whole new range of fear of man flavours. Posting so as to get as many ‘likes’ and flattering comments from my friends, creating an exaggerated image of how glamorous my life is, so as to bait the veiled envy of others, or sharing with others what is either utterly ephemeral or even intensely private, encouraging others to be voyeurs, and ourselves to be exhibitionists. Checking and re-checking your posts to see who has liked it, and then fretting most over who has not, scanning through posts and despising Miss Perfect for her life, venting about some event so as to garner sympathy and pity. This is all fear of man, man-pleasing, only now it is even less human.

Some man-pleasers are social chameleons, blending their ways and manners and speech into whatever our social environment is at the time – that is the fear of man. Other man-pleasers are the class clowns, the centre of attention, the life of the party, the local comedian. Some man-pleasers are terrified of being disliked. Other man-pleasers want to be provocative and claim how little they care about what people think of them. But ironically, they do that because they want to be admired by people for being so provocative.

Some man-pleasers want peace at all costs and avoid even necessary disagreement. Other man-pleasers are competitive for everything, so long as they can keep beating other people – which is more fear of man. I have counselled man-pleasers who have made idols out of their spouses and children, and are ironically destroying the people they are supposed to love, because they are in the grip of the fear of man. I have counselled other man-pleasers who live in perpetual fear of men they have never met, timid of going out, paralysed by fear of crime.

The point is, the fear of man is in every one of us. Indeed, it is clearly a sin deeply allied with selfishness, and so wherever you find selfishness, you are going to find some manifestation of man-pleasing, the fear of man.   Now God is very aware of this tendency in our hearts, and He addresses it several times in Scripture. One of the clearest places is Proverbs 29:25: “The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe.”

I want us to use this as our base text for understanding the fear of man. Here in Proverbs 29:25 we are going to learn of the disease and the cure, the problem, and the solution. Two phrases are laid parallel to each other – the fear of man – which brings a snare, and – trusting in the LORD, which brings safety. Hebrew wisdom literature and poetry often makes use of this parallelism – putting two thoughts side by side. Hebrew parallelism can serve many functions, but here it serves the function of contrast.

The fear of man stands antithetically to trusting in the Lord. The fear of man drives out faith in God, and vice-versa.

  – David De Bruyn, Professor of Church History, Shepherds’ Seminary Africa